I respectfully submit this thought

I realize the cost of incarcerating the father will exceed $25,000.00 . But and If…. and we all know the danger of those two words…If this man were to have two more children per year….then in 8 years he would have a total of 16 more children….at a cost to the taxpayers of about $500.00 per week that the state would pay in AFDC. This then represents a cost of $26,000.00 per year to the taxpayers….

So maybe these Judges in their attempt to keep this from happening have threatened the man with incarceration….I just don’t understand why they haven’t done something to help or motivate this man to pay his support. If this man were myself…I would have been put in jail when I was only $400.00 behind….been there and done that….so the whole damn mess doesn’t make sense to me….

A guardian ad litem is appointed by the court

…to defend your child and HIS best interests…

So the interests of the child will come first. This is done when the fighting between parents escalates to the point that the child suffers. So please understand that you will not always get what you think is right. It will be what the guardian thinks is right for your child. You will need to put aside any issues concerning your ex and any negative emotions that could be transferred to your child. Your child will, no matter what, suffer from this divorce…it is a fact that cannot be denied. But your child does not have to be involved in the divorce, its issues, or become a casualty in the battlefield between you and your wife.

Your child needs to know that BOTH parents love him or her. You must reassure your child of this…and yes that includes saying the ex spouse loves him or her as much as you do. You need to reassure your child of the future and that you and the ex will both be there for this child…I know that it is tough sometimes to say something good about the ex spouse, or to not let your emotions concerning the divorce to show to your child…but each time you do let them show you hurt your child a little bit more…

Your child is scared and has no idea what the future holds…a child’s mind cannot comprehend like an adults or reason like we do…also…NEVER…NEVER say something derogatory or negative about your ex spouse in front of this child or even when you have visitation with this child..as they might be able to hear you…and this hurts them also…remember…they didn’t choose the two of you as parents….you chose to have them as a child….

Children are resilient…but they do have feelings and something they may not understand right now..but something they might remember..could haunt you and your relationship with them later…so put all divorce and custody emotions aside when dealing with your child and his interests..I wish you luck…it is a hard and rocky road..mistakes will be made…so just do the very best you can for your child….

I went through one of these in my divorce

My children played a little board game with one parent and then the other and the evaluator observed. My oldest son was 6 yrs old at the time and just learning to read. When it was my turn I had him sound out the names on the board game while we played…..The evaluator stated in her report that while playing with the father the child frowned alot…she didn’t mention that he was frowning while concentrating on the vowel sounds and sounding the words out….

It went pretty unfavorable for me and was very one sided…about 6 years later I finally convinced the court to have us evaluated again…This took place at Catholic Social Services, which was the agency picked by the court.

The evaluator there talked to each child and both parents. She stated in her report that the oldest child was angered by the divorce and the teachings his mother was trying to give him concerning the character of his father. She reported that the children had been misled and taught to no longer respect their father and that I was the enemy. She recommended that my ex receive counseling.

What was ironic was that I am not the one who wanted the divorce nor was I violent,abusive, or commit adultery. My ex was the one in love with someone else….Needless to say after that things seemed to go my way a lot more in court…My advice…be yourself…don’t lie or act….and interact well with your children…..No matter the outcome…you are still one of the parents….and they need you!


What can be expected from an Evaluation? The evaluator is supposed to talk with everyone. Including my child. But that interview only lasted 10 mins.

The evaluator said that the child stated “I can’t remember” to almost every question the child was asked. The evaluator thought maybe the child had been coached.

And that was why the child couldn’t remember anything.Because the questions asked weren’t what the child was expecting.Anyone have any thoughts on this?I just wonder how much weight the evaluator will give this interview? Any one else had the same experince? how did it turn out?

I am going to take your last post very personally

I am going to take your last post very personally, as I should. First of all let me state that my wife is not a dingbat….She is a degreed engineer from Purdue university and a vice president of an electrical company that has gross revenues in excess of 80 million dollars a year. Secondly, We waited for four years before having a child of our own. And for your information, it was a planned pregnancy. Third, Most fathers do not have the benefit of your lifestyle of “bird-nesting” where they get to enjoy sharing parental responsibilities as well as accomplishments of their children.

As to why my first wife and I divorced….It is none of your concern…but no matter the reason, and I assure you there was no infidelity or abuse, BOTH parents regardless of who gets custody are needed by the children and both should have access to the children. Unfortunately the courts and attorneys have been able to see that doesn’t happen. As far as the gentleman’s situation you mentioned and your remedy to his problems…sounds like old fashion intimidation to me…as well as a chance for someone like you to twist and pervert more of our laws. The man in question should not have his visitation denied…..and the ex wife should quit playing games…because the children are the ones who are also getting hurt in all of this.

As far as the case law you mentioned….I don’t need to have you spout it to me…I am well aware of it…and I have represented myself Pro Se for many years..(15) and have only lost twice…so I am quite adept with the law….and if you don’t know what is wrong “suggesting 18 yr olds get vasectomies and that Fathers who have children in subsequent marriages are “selfish”…then I am afraid I and Freud can’t help you. It is my opinion that you are a very dominating and intimidating personality.You think you are always right, fair,and your way is the only way….

I feel sorry for any woman who would commit to your personality and demands. To be honest….my wife thinks you are pretty much an idiot and that some of your fellow board members are also…especially the one who promotes incest as being healthy…..what a bunch of idiots….

By giving her plenty of rope

By giving her plenty of rope, do you mean so that she can hang herself?

I’m afraid that’s exactly what I meant. I don’t mean to seem heartless about the whole thing. You obviously have strong feelings for your wife. I’m certainly not qualified to give love advice. I’ve helped screw up my own marriage. That’s why I’m here.
I’m also here to protect myself. Read a few of the stories on this site and others like it. There are some real horror stories out there. I hope things turn out the way you would like them to, but protect yourself just in case. It seems to me that most family courts regard men as sperm donors and financiers. If you throw yourself on the mercy of the court you could find yourself in a worse situation than you’re in now.

I don’t know, perhaps giving her rope is not the way to go. I really don’t know anything about your situation and, even if I did, I’m not qualified to give you advice. If this does end up in court I would hate to see you go in totally unprepared and unprotected. You owe it to yourself and your children to know what you’re doing if it comes to that. None of us know what the future holds, but that doesn’t mean we can’t go there with both eyes open. Good luck.

Question on child support

Hi, I live in Oregon. My daughter and her mother have decided that she will go to an out of state college with no input from me. My divorce decree from 12 years ago doesn’t mention anything about college.

It just says I will pay till my daughter turns 18 y.o. My daughter started school late, due to a birthday in November. She is almost 19. I still pay my child support faithfully every month, but now I am told I must pay $15,000 yearly plus my child support.

Does anyone have any info? I don’t want to get out of my obligation, I just am wondering if I have any rights? Do I still pay child support to the mother and $15,000 yearly in tuition? Supposedly we will be splitting this cost half and half. I have a feeling this figure will climb, as this number is for tuition only. I just don’t seem to have a voice here. Thank you, Andy.